TOMORROW is my surgery!! AND I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!
I still have SO MUCH to do at work. Never a dull moment at my office. And I have a weird feeling in my stomach. I suppose it is normal. Stress? Worry?
So glad the day has finally arrived. It was a hell of a journey. With a lot of ups and downs. And good news and bad news. And tears. And cries of joy. And hugs.
Ok, my biggest fear currently? Funnily, not the surgery itself (perhaps it is not “real” for me yet). But the fear of being turned away at the last moment. That something might happen that will have them turn me away.
Like I succumbed to a few cigarettes (after the accident, which was a short while ago). I still haven’t started again. I still considering myself a non-smoker. But a recovering one, and it is tough, I tell you.
Also, during my liquid diet, I had a few break-out moments. Nothing too serious. I never ate plates and plates of food or cake or chocolates or anything like that. But at times the liquid and the milk and yogurt (I am lactose intolerant) really got to me and I was in a crying fit (also coming off of my crazy pills plus my period started and that makes for baaaad combination) and then I would eat a few salty biscuits. I just couldn’t stand it ALL THE TIME. But I was doing it, 97% though, it has to be said.
But yeah, now this is my biggest fear. As I know I cannot sit through another week of waiting for this. I would totally crack up. I need to be doing this NOW, I need to be at the next step.
Anyway, that is me at this moment.
The most important thing I realised? How much I am loved by my people. How many people actually care. How many people actually value me for ME, who does not devalue me because of my size. And I am so fortunate to have that. I am so blessed.