try and focus on positive thinking, i keep telling myself.

the nerves are really starting to chew on my insides. i am scared to see the doctor. to face him. to search his eyes and see the same disgust i see in other people’s eyes.

if i see that it’ll just break my heart. as i am trusting my whole being into his hands.

you see, how i overdramatise things? i haven’t even met the man yet. and already i think negative thoughts of what he is going to think of me.

my biggest fear however is that i won’t be able to get this surgery. that i don’t qualify for it for some or other reason, but mostly, that my medical aid won’t cover it.

it will be a death sentence to me, if i cannot have this done. i am a bit frantic, actually. driving me up the walls. struggling to sleep. and at times my heart starts racing.



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