so the past weekend i told my mum… and it went…
i am so so blessed with a truly awesome mother. who really just cares for me, who wants what is best, and who wants to see me happy and be healthy.
when I told her, initially she was shaking her head, NO. and she started about her friend’s daughter – who has all the problems (see the previous post… just as i predicted).
but after that, she stopped going on about it, and asked me how come. can i elaborate. and then i did. i told her of all the research i’ve done. i told her about the doctors, the whole support system they have going there. i told her about all the hundreds and hundreds cases i’ve read about. the before care and the after care. the do’s and donts.
and i made printouts. i gave her her copy of the printouts (with parts highlighted – in pink no less). and i started reading to her from it.
and then i spoke from my heart, telling her how i honestly feel this is my only way out. no use living on the pie in the sky “one day if i lose all this weight”. it’s not happening. i’ve been saying that for years. i have been trying and failing that for years. the years of AGONY. of chastising myself. of belittling myself. of self-loathing. it has to stop. no more.
and that mostly i am doing this for my health. as i can feel it taking its toll, this extra weight. i could handle it before, but i can feel my feet giving in, my organs. i’ve been struggling at night sleeping. can’t walk very far. almost constant heartburn. my poor heart. and liver.
and i told her my partner and i have plans, we would like to have our first baby when i am 32. i am turning 30 next year. SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE. it is now or never.
and i also want to be able to wear a pretty dress. and love myself. because i know i deserve it too.